The Southeastern Conference has an official potato chip and an official soda pop, so in the interest of healthy nutrition, Alabama has created the official vegetable of the SEC.

Squash.

That’s what the Crimson Tide has done to its first two SEC opponents, delivering a good old-fashioned squashing that actually hasn’t done much good for the league’s image. (You won’t hear many Big 12 advocates mention that Vandy is 1-0 in that conference.) It is unlikely, but possible, that if Alabama keeps this up, Nick Saban could get four head coaches (Sumlin, Bielema, Jones and Orgeron) fired in the next five weeks, and that includes taking a week off for his birthday.

Rank	Team	Last Week
1.		1.	Sooner or later, the blowouts will stop. But what if it’s later, not sooner? Who will be left standing at that point?
2.		2.	The Bulldogs didn’t just beat Tennessee. They beat them in a way that will make UT think about whether they are looking at a decade-long losing streak to someone other than Alabama. And a program can only take so many of those before they are buddying around with Vandy and Ole Miss all the time.
3.		3.	The Tigers are suddenly playing some scary good football. They might try to score 67 points on Ole Miss just because Alabama scored 66 — and they might do it.
4.		4.	The Gators keep finding ways to win, which is a credit to Jim McElwain. But it’s hard to imagine a team that is 3-0 in the SEC looking less like a contender.
5.		9	Without an epic, inexplicable collapse against UCLA, Texas A&M might be undefeated and hovering around the Top 10. I’m not going to to undersell their issues but they are far different athletically than Vanderbilt and Ole Miss.
6.		7.	The Wildcats played with a hangover (I’m going to assume the Florida loss and not a bourbon tasting) against Eastern Michigan but can still regroup and have a decent year.
7.		5.	The win over LSU was proven to be fool’s gold. Yes, I was one of the fools. Frankly, the best thing MSU has going for it is a manageable (except for Alabama) upcoming schedule.
8.		11.	You watch South Carolina football — Will Muschamp football, really — with the same optimism that you approach a dicey ethnic takeout place. Maybe the unfamiliar ingredients will combine into something good, but you know deep down that you don’t watch the whole thing without keeping a prescription antacid on hand.
9.		6.	Maybe this year is already in the garbage heap. Maybe a loss to Florida would do it. But at some point, LSU has to decide if the right guy is driving the truck.
10.		10.	Not as bad as they looked against Alabama, but they face another “home” game with about 80 percent visiting fans (giddy Georgia Bulldogs) and a strong chance of winning a revenge game. (Yes, Vandy won in Athens last year.)
11.		13.	The Razorbacks still haven’t proven they can actually win an SEC game but they’ve at least shown they can move to New Mexico and be competitive.
12.		8.	The last four Tennessee recruiting class rankings nationally (2014-2017): No. 4, No. 7, No. 17, No. 14. We aren’t talking about a team without talent. But something is missing from that magic trash can.
13.		12.	Frankly, if I were Ole Miss, I’d start preparing for the Mississippi State game right now. They aren’t going to beat anyone halfway decent, so what matters other than The Egg?
14.		14.	Missouri remains lost in the woods but did not have to play a game this weekend. “I saw a squirrel! Then we made s’mores!” “I made a birdhouse out of an old license plate! It was fun!” “We should do this every weekend instead of football!”