After a week in which the SEC coaching hot seat had more butts than Keith Richards’ ashtray, things have cooled down for a couple of endangered candidates, Ed Orgeron (victory) and Kevin Sumlin (close is good enough, even if this isn’t horseshoes). There is still enough consternation to go around, though, as the league continues its split between three serious “haves” and a covetous group of 11 teams trying to squeeze into a sure-fire bid to the Birmingham Bowl. (Sorry, Ole Miss, we don’t mean you.)

Rank

Team

Last Week

1.

 

 1.

There’s a scene in the movie “300,” loosely adapted from history, where Leonidas, King of Sparta, clips the Persian king Xerxes with a spear. The cut causes Xerxes to bleed, leading to great joy when the Spartans realize Xerxes is human and not immortal. That’s how Texas A&M reacted to last week’s game. (Spoiler alert: Xerxes was still eight feet tall and had a million-man army and slaughtered all the Spartans.)

2.

 

 2.

(Fill in the blank) went to Nashville, filled 80 percent of the stadium with its fans and looked awesome in a runaway victory. If you think “the answer could be Alabama or Georgia,” you just made every Georgia fan’s day.

3.

 

 3.

The Tigers can only seem to have one healthy running back per week but if they run like Kerryon Johnson, that’s enough.

4.

 

 5.

Trailing 24-3 against Alabama, the Aggies kept on trying. Will that be the catalyst against Florida?

5.

 

 9.

One of the best kickers in the SEC, Florida’s Eddy Piniero, missed a PAT and suddenly Ed Orgeron is as popular as gator tail in Louisiana again. A win over Auburn this weekend and he’ll be King of the Mardi Gras.

6.

 

 4.

Honest opinion here. Florida seems to have no fun playing football these days. Seriously. Every week is a grim struggle that either ends in disaster or a narrow escape from disaster, neither of which brings any enjoyment. Just a thought.

7.

 

 6.

UK is one play away from being the worst undefeated team in America. As it is, they may be the worst one-loss team in America. But you know what’s even worse? Being 4-2 and everything after.

8.

 

 7.

After a week off to rest up from beatings by Georgia and Auburn, MSU renews America’s oddest non-conference series against a struggling BYU team.

9.

 

 8.

Name the only SEC teams with a win over a team currently in the AP Top 25. Georgia is one and the Gamecocks are the other.

10.

 

 12.

How can a team jump two spots in the poll during an off week? I’ve got two words for you, buddy. Leadership Reps.

11.

 

 11.

Honest Thought No. 2: Arkansas quarterback Austin Allen was knocked out of last week’s game with South Carolina and is still banged up. Last year against Alabama, Allen was smashed to the ground more often than a bull rider in buttered pants. So if I’m Bret Bielema, looking at a long range goal of six wins this season, do I put him back on that bull again, or wait until the schedule turns into Shetland ponies?

12.

 

 10.

The return to fighting in their own weight class could do the Commodores a world of good, if they can find a way to score. (Hint: the Ole Miss defense could help with that.

13.

 

 12.

If Mike Pence is looking for a game to walk out of this week, he might choose Vandy at Ole Miss strictly on quality of play.

14.

 

 14.

“We were going to win and a mean Wildcat knocked the ball out of our hands!”
“That’s what cats do.”
“Then the SEC refs were lazy and didn’t care and messed up!”
“That’s what SEC refs do.”
“I hate it here! I want to go home!”

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